The reason that I can’t read Raymond Carver’s stories continually is that I don’t know when I’ll be it by the horror in his stories. If I’m not hit by one story, then fine, I can keep going on to the next one; if I’m hit, however, I’ll need some time for a break, a break to gather myself together. Every story of his has some element of horror in it. Whether I’m hit or not depends on if I subjectively find what he describes is scary. He is this indifferent, cold-hearted storyteller. He doesn’t give a shit about if and when his readers will be scared.

Today’s highest temperature is 28C. I think that’s well above 80 in Fahrenheit. I watered the yard when I came back from bouldering. I watered the rose bushes in the backyard again in the afternoon, including the two potted plants on the deck.

I put up some weight, about one kilo since March. I’ve been eating too many snacks lately, and I’ve also been eating out a lot this month.

When I searched for “ube ice cream” last night, Google showed that Trader Joe’s actually has a ube-flavored ice cream. So I swung by TJ’s when I completed bouldering. I also got a pack of cream cheese from TJ’s for making a Japanese cheese cake. It was shockingly cheap, only $2 for 220 grams of cream cheese. It took me around 40 minutes to prepare everything and I started baking the cake right before lunch. It turned out okay at first, but as it cooled down, wrinkles started to appear on it as it shrank rapidly. I was thinking maybe the water I used for water-bathing the tin wasn’t hot enough. I could’ve definitely let the cake stay in the oven a little longer, since I hadn’t seen it fall back after reaching its top. My guess was the cake was not fully baked. Next time I’ll do better.

Waiting to fall asleep in bed, last night, I was wondering what had been wrong with me. Perhaps I should resume cooking. The climbing videos on YouTube sure have their merit, but I’m not certain they are helpful to me in my current state: me as a total novice. If I watch videos right before going to bed, I’d struggle falling asleep, for the videos I watched will replay themselves in my mind. I think I’ve been spending too much time on “pondering about” bouldering. It’s not helpful and I should stop.

The limes I pickled in last June are finally ready, after a whole year. I can use them for cooking, but I’ll need to know what I want to cook. Maybe just make a glass of 咸柠七 for now.