The past few days were kind of hot, with the highest temperature reaching 28 or 29 Celsius. But today is a cool summer day without a blazing sun, and I appreciate this weather.

Yesterday I was telling my partner that how because I had been providing emotional support to other people for so long, and how most of these people could not return equivalent support to me, that I finally dropped these people as “friends.” At the time, which was perhaps 12 or 13 years ago, when I had not thought about the reciprocity of emotional support, I didn’t really mind listening to other people talk about themselves for a long time. I also, as I’m recalling everything, don’t think people were as boring as they are now. When we were still at school, there were so many things on our minds and we spent days and nights discussing and questioning these things. There were, for instance, so many ways to pass a weekend or even one single night. It seems that now, for people about my age, the only things that occupy one’s life are money, job, and family. So I guess it’s not only my fault that I’ve become less interested in other humans.

And then there’s a lack of patience. Where did all the patience go, I sometimes wonder? If somebody says one thing on which I have a strong opinion, the chance is that I’ll no longer hang out with this person. Topics that can easily trigger my aversion include politics, history, technology (esp. A.I.), nature/environment, animals, etc. I wonder since when people, and myself, have become so absorbed in their own ideas and views. The lack of interest in other people goes hand in hand with the selfishness we harbor. The result is that I’m more isolated than before and I have a really high bar for new friends.

Do I regret becoming like this? Not yet. I do enjoy good conversations, but they usually happen among people I don’t dislike. Say, if a person thinks there’s no need to read any non-fiction books from now on due to the summarization power of A.I., I will have a very hard time fighting with myself not to dislike this person. And these days I don’t want to fight with myself. Everything is already so hard.