I finally realized how mad I was, after learning that one of the most established UX Research teams in my company was laid off entirely. In the hope to make peace with myself, I sent the following message to my manager and my skip manager this morning. Posting the message here for a record for myself.

Hi [manager] and [skip manager], following the recent turn of events, I think it would be beneficial for me to have some transparent conversation with you. Since I’m fully aware of my precarious situation, and I hope you, my manager and my skip manager, can keep this conversation (this message) between the three of us. I don’t usually want to expose or share my vulnerability in workspace because it is often considered “unprofessional,” but I don’t think I can avoid doing that now, unfortunately.

As [our org leader] mentioned in Wed’s meeting, everybody processes the recent news differently and has different reactions. I have to admit that I’m among those who are having a hard time to make peace of this situation, especially given the fact that one of the best and most established UXR teams in the company is laid off entirely, and I’m not sure how to make of this change with our customer obsession culture, since UX teams are at the frontline of representing and speaking for customers. In addition, while it is not within our company, both Microsoft and Google has planned or has already laid off 10,000+ employees, among whom many are UX professionals. While [our org leader’s] apology helped calm my mind a bit, I’m nonetheless profoundly frustrated by the recent events, and my frustration only deepens by my alien status in the U.S.

I have been keeping these feelings and thoughts with myself, not sharing any of them with the rest of our team or any other coworkers, hoping to not burden others with these “negative” feelings, knowing how we are still asked to perform our regular work responsibilities. Yet, I believe you have the right to know how your team is doing, and I’ve always adhered to the “transparent communication” principal since I believe in it. This message is solely intended for you to be aware of my situation; I’m not seeking for any help specifically. I’m working on taking care of myself by staying with myself, eating the food I love, petting my cat. Essentially, under situations like this, I find I recover sooner if I allow some solitude with myself. I hope you can respect this, respect that all of us go through times like this differently.

I am fully aware that you are humans too, hence it’s likely that the recent events have had their strong impacts on you. I hope you take whatever means that work for you to take care of yourself. Drink more water, sleep more, go for a walk, be with your pets. I hope you, and all of us, recover from this soon.