I’ve had some good times, but it’s time to move on. Perhaps there will be a way to make some money while still adhere to my beliefs? However challenging that will be.

        感觉就像以前考虑分手一样。我对对方的了解既广泛又深刻，基于这种程度的了解上，对方说什么做什么我可以完完全全地准确预测。所以还继续坚持什么呢？对方不会改变，我也不会，而我因为你这个人本身的性质，已经对你彻底失去了兴趣，所以没办法再继续跟你在一起了。你说的每一句话、做的每一件事，由于我都可以提前预料到，所以在见到你说出这些话做出这些事，只会加重我的厌烦。继续下去不可能有结果的，it won’t go anywhere, yet I can stand this stale situation no longer. I guess I’ve truly been consistent all along. 以前的我面对这样的感情会当机立断，现在的我面对这样的工作依旧会，哪怕情感上的分手给现实生活带来的不确定性要小得多，毕竟谈恋爱不赚钱，而工作收入涉及每日吃饭睡觉。虽然哪个造成的负面影响更大、更深远，其实不好说。

        这和从学术界离开的时候又不一样。在学术界的时候是I still love you (i.e. doing research), but I don’t want to love you this way (i.e. in the current academic system). 离开这份工作，这个org，则完全是I don’t love you anymore，直接对涉及这份工作的subject失去了兴趣。

        Even though there’s no future, no other paths in sight, these decisions have always been a leap of faith of mine. And I’ve been courageous, and I’m always the one who is more responsible, who can’t turn her head away from the truth. 难怪我总是主动提分手的那一个。Maybe one day I will find my way, one day.

        有时也拿自己的理想主义没办法，哈哈。但是我也没可能投胎成别人。既然这辈子只有自己，所以还是认了自己就是这样吧！The only way I can be at peace (with myself).