今天早上干了一些农活，没有很多，就把一些长得太长又没有开花的Dr. Huey修剪了一下。I’d rather they don’t grow anymore, but then I also don’t want to apply any herbicide to them. I just cut them close to the ground and see if they will grow again.

The deer have not been coming ever since we fixed the fence in the backyard. I kind of wish they’d come so they could eat the Dr. Huey, but they haven’t showed up for a while.

There’s still much mulching that needs to be done as well. I hope I can get it finished before summer formally arrives.

There are days that I feel nothing is interesting and nothing matters. It turns out today is one of these days. I’m on my fourth day of period, so PMS I can’t blame on. I was considering hiking after waking up from my nap, but it looked so gloomy outside so I decided to stay at home. The rain started falling not long after I began doing a cardio workout. I don’t really mind a muddy ground when hiking, but I don’t want to get wet either.

It could be that the lack of fresh air is making me moody. It could also be that this depressing state is a periodical thing, which is more likely. When it comes, it simply dawns on me and makes me believe nothing is worthwhile. And when it’s gone, it’s gone, as if it has never been here ever.

It’s not like I don’t know that working in the tech industry doesn’t really do me any good, and I don’t actually envy people who earn several hundred Ks per month. I know even if people have a job, a job is not equivalent to a life purpose. Not having a job, however, seems to exaggerate the sense of lacking purpose. Not having a job forces one to examine one’s daily life: what am I going to do today? What is the right way to pass today? Is there a right way to pass every day? How do I know? Without a job to fall back onto comfortably so that one can at least not be pestered by these questions, one is made to face the passing time at such a specificity and granularity that one has to live in the moment.

But isn’t that I have been thinking about these questions all the time already, with or without a job?

And I’ve gotten my answer, too, that there is no right way to live a life, although there may be easier and cozier ways…

One of the recent changes I’ve made, or rather, that has happened to me, since I didn’t initiate it intentionally, was that the time I spent on social media has fallen drastically. It’s as if my beloved go-to social medium has lost its charm, all of a sudden. To be honest, there were some triggers, but they were not strong enough to bear all the responsibilities of me losing my interest. Released from the burden of social media, I started reading books — close to all the time. I’ve always been reading, but this time it feels like getting high. I just read one novel after another, fiction that I’ve always meant to read but kept being dragged away by other books I hadn’t finished. Currently I’m on my third book of this reading spree. I wonder when this high will finally wear out.

I’m feeling really good at writing on pen and paper. Yet why am I not writing more often?!