今天是离职后的第一天，我还在适应中。有时候还没有反应过来自己已经不用操心工作了，还在想着“要抓紧周末两天时间休息，因为下周一又要上班了。” 离职会给每天的生活节奏以致心理状态都带来巨大的改变。具体会有什么样的改变，我还在感受中。但就今天一天的情况而言，我真的十分享受这种“什么‘正事’都不用做也不用考虑”的愉悦，甚至有点担心会不会这样下去就一直不想再重新开始赚钱。

        什么正事都不用做也不用想，甚至包括一些以前会有意识多下功夫投入的爱好，比如看书。“不去做”的意思是不刻意去做，想去做了就去做，而非想着“人生太短暂了，抓紧时间多看书”这样提着自己的脑袋让自己多读，有种东亚人从小到大自我虐待的意思。判断的点在于我是否真正认可脑中这个让我去做或者不去做某件事的声音。在这段不工作的时间中，我希望自己能实践一种不受线性时间观统治的生活，实践一种从脱离了线性时间观的视角下的百分之百自发的生活。用人话说就是“顺其自然”。我觉得重要的事就去做，觉得不重要的事就不去做——我想知道自发是什么样子。

        Jenny Odell在她的新书Saving Time里面所说的，如果要反抗当前工业革命后资本主义下的社会中横行的线性时间观以及把时间和金钱划等号的价值观，必须想象并且实践一种完全不一样的生活，我是十分认同的（粗体是我加的）：

In other words, someone who today struggles to reconcile time pressure with climate dread is dealing on both ends with an outcome of a distinct worldview, one that occasioned both the measurement of work time and ecological destruction for profit. In the body, chronic pain can result from an imbalance in a different place from where you feel it. While you can massage a painful spot and feel better for a few days, if the cause is repetitive stress, the real fix is usually to change what you are doing. In a similar manner, time pressure and climate dread, experienced as distinct forms of pain, stem from the same set of relationships in a larger “body,” one distorted into an unsustainable posture after centuries of an extractive mindset. For this reason, being able to connect one’s own personal experience of time to the experience of a collapsing climate clock is no mere mental exercise, but a matter of urgency for everyone involved. The only way to address the pain is to fundamentally change what we are doing.

        What will this fundamental change lead me to? I will figure it out.